|
ndsoccer2000
|
read my profile
sign my guestbook
Name: Micah
Birthday: 6/5/1988
Gender: Male
Interests: Anything that has to do with my savior Jesus Christ. Messing around on the computer, Playing soccer, talking with people like you, doing puzzles, and writting. I'm quite interested in exotic fruits and pogo sticks, and I must say that pinneapples are the hottest!
Expertise: Banana shooting, celtic hip hop, writting stuff that makes no sense, being the world's last conquistador, playing soccer, oh and who can forget bop it!
Occupation: Retired
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  Micah Velilla
Member Since:
3/10/2005
|
|
| So the Lord has laid on my heart taking time to reflect more often and so here I am reflecting on the week. It's hard to think about what happened because it went by so frickin fast! Everyday has something new and yet all the same. I'm not really sure how much I like it but I'm beginning to re-realize that it doesn't really matter. The bottom line is that Jesus has my back and I know that He's going to use me as long as I allow Him to. The tough part is fighting off the flesh and the enemy. There are still things that trouble me about my day to day living. However, as I look at what God is doing in my life, there are also some things that are really encouraging about what God is doing in my life. Some random thoughts:
I think I might start working out
I'm not ready to have a girlfriend
I need to be more intentional about ministry at work
I have to start thinking about and purchasing christmas gifts!
I have a pretty boring life
I have lost a huge sense of creativity
And I'm having trouble spending significant time with Jesus.
I praise the Lord for what he did do this week and for the things that I know will help me to be more near him: I made good money at work, got new contracts, had 2 jobs for ESM, and I finally finished the Old Testament. I'm super tired though now and I need rest...thank the Lord for sundays :)
| | |
| For too long I've sat around criticizing myself for not being the man that I'm supposed to be. For not walking in the Spirit and being who God planned for me to be before there was time. It hasn't been constructive, because even though I've acknowledged countless pitfalls I've constantly found myself in a stagnant apathy that keeps me from acting. In combat of that deceitful spirit that I know has been sent to keep me from doing the Lord's work and shining his light into the darkest places around me, I've decided to re-affirm who I am supposed to be. Perhaps if I dwell on this and rely on the Lord's strength to make me into that man, I'll finally be free to live in His light.
First and foremost: You are the Lord's and you cannot defeat His word. His word and calling was that you walk in His love and share Him with everyone around you.
Secondly: You have never been a failure. While mistakes have held you back and kept you from what is good and true they have and never will define you.
3rd: you allow yourself to be used by the Lord and that's a big deal.
4th: you are the man who selflessly puts others before youself, even to your detriment.
5th: You're the man who cherishes and cares for God's daughters, allowing them to experience His love without vain attachment. You help them to embrace and embody the beauty that God has made them to be.
You're a man of integrity, you never give up, you never lie, you work until it's done, you chase after beauty, you always give thanks, you have more fun than anyone else, and you have the heart of a child.
The Lord has made you into a great man Micah, and while I know it's hard to live that way it's a great calling to have been called to. Peace, joy, and onto praising God through your life!
| | |
| I have never been as strong as you dad. And I know that few people would even have the balls to say that they were even close but why of all the people you knew and of the four great sons you had were so you frickin proud of me?! What wonderful things did I do for you to encourage you in your times of need? When you were here suffering for that last year, did I do much more than sit there? Did we talk that much about the things that were important? Did we spend the quality time that really mattered? I know that it was a blessing the Lord was trying to give me and you thought so highly of me being there but I can't help but feel like so much of that time was wasted. Like I missed out on some of the last moments we had together. Why can't I have even one of them back? Why have I been so horribly dumb, so selfish, so blind. And I've had this perfect facade but did it ever fool anyone? I never wanted to fool you dad, but I can't say that I was that man that you were so proud of. And here I am two and a half months later still failing to live up to what you had already credited me for. I know that you had great discernment but I can't stop failing to be that man. A man of integrity, strength, wisdom, endurance, passion, and godliness. Every day it's apathy, blatant and careless sin, selfishness, and carelessness. Why can't I escape? Why did I not come to you earlier for the answers?! I'm so sorry dad, I needed you SOOOOO much more than you said you needed me. And now when everyone is looking to me, when they're expecting me to have the strength, it should be you! I need you, we all need you! And Lord why? Why now? What has the world really gained from losing this amazing servant? EJ had a moment but his life isn't changing, Bianca is still stubborn and selfish, no one came forward at your funeral, and now people miss your testimony and simply feel sorry for us. Is this for me?! Is this some call out of the darkness. If so I hear you but did you have to take dad to get through my hard head!?!? I know the world doesn't spin around me and this wasn't my fault but I can't remember a single moment in my life when I've felt worse than I do now. Guilty, ashamed, alone....I know you're all I need, I know he's there with you, I know that you'll give me the strength to pull through all of this, but would you do me a favor? Would you show dad my life from here out? Would you show him that he was right? He was always right. If he saw that man, then I know that it's possible. Jesus, please make it happen. I love you and I need you more than ever. Please give dad a hug for me and tell him that I'm sorry and that I love him.
| | |
| What would I do if these were my last days? If I knew that when I got on that plane wednesday morning my younger brother would be the last friendly face I ever saw. What if everything here was going to be finished and done in a simple few days time. Dad didn't expect it, why should I? I've almost left once without expectation who's to say that I have anymore days to live? Can I live like I'm invincible forever? No. So what should I be doing? Because I know that wasting my hours here in front of the computer is not where the Lord would call me to be. Would I write a book for all who are left behind, sharing the wisdom that God has given me in my short life? Would it be worthwhile to read what was hardly seen in my life? Would I try to reconnect with as many as possible before leaving them behind? Do I think it would even matter? Would I go on an evangelistic escapade preaching the gospel to any and all whom I could find? Do I even believe there would be a benefit to that? Would I waste it away waiting for this meaningless life to end so I could enter eternity forever? Do I really think this life has that little purpose?
It's easy to think about what you would do if you knew these were your last days, and if you figure it out they say that's what you should be doing now. But what if you honestly don't know? What if all you can do is take each day as it comes and enjoy it as much as possible? To simply reach as high as you can and hold nothing back. I feel like that's what I would do if I knew that this was the end. And I know that that's what I should be doing now. My wish and prayer is that I would act upon that knowledge, share it with others, and hold nothing back....Maybe this is the end, and maybe that thought will change me. Maybe this same thought could change you. What would you do? And why aren't you doing it?
| | |
| It's been two weeks now since my whole life and world changed. When I lost dad I lost a piece of myself but I also gained a tremendous amount of responsibility, spotlight, leadership, and a myriad of other weights. Thankfully I have also found overwhelming strength from the Lord to carry all of these burdens but I am finding myself significantly insignificant in terms of my abilities and desires. I feel that my course has been set before me and while I do not dare reject it I can never claim to have chosen it. I also can't say that I had anything else in mind. But like it or not, which most of the time I don't like it, I'm an adult now. I'm the head of a household, the one people depend on, the one who's supposed to have the answers, the one who has to be responsible, the one with the impossible task of filling the shoes of the greatest man I've ever known. Had dad known he was leaving he would've appointed me to this position, he would have wanted me in the water with him...because he believed I was strong enough, he thought so highly of who I was and what the Lord was doing in my life. How could I lay down when he always said that I would be so strong?...I was the one he counted on, the one he expected to have the answers, the one he knew would be responsible, I was the one...But that doesn't change how hard it is, it doesn't change how much I hurt each day without anyone being able to ease the pain, to lessen the load. Because at the end of the day the one who chose me to be who I have to be is the one who is no longer here to choose someone else. But I wouldn't ask him to change his mind. If you had told me it would have to be this way I would've said yes. I would've stayed here with him and mom for his last year here on earth and I still would've jumped into the water knowing that I would never get out....And while I know that I'm not everything he thought I was, the thing he was right about is that I would seek out the Lord until I became that man. And I can't ask anyone for help because the things I need are the things that people can't give. I need the focus to stay the course, I need the wisdom to know and follow the Lord's will, I need the strength to support my family, and I need so badly not to lose myself in sorrow and apathy. Please don't think you can walk any part of this path for me. Even if you could, I wouldn't let you. And in terms of support, your prayers do far more than any word or action. I do enjoy company and I still hate idle time, but at the end of the day I know the course before me and I will continue down it. In time I will hurt less, despair less, and enjoy where I am more and more. And as I continue down this course know that things that bring me the most joy are still the same as before. I love being with God's children doing His work. I love serving people and giving them the love and strength that God gives me. Don't deny my the opportunity to serve you. I know that so many people want to serve me and my family and while that's been so wonderful and comforting it cannot endure. To be frank I already feel like a mooch. lol. The best thing that you can do for me is pray, the second best is join me in loving the people around us. Time is too precious to spend it weeping, I've had plenty of time to cry and I'll have plenty more, what I don't have time for is letting those who need Christ so badly to pass by. I'd love your support in being Christ to Chapin and Columbia cuz it looks like I'll be here for a while. There is sooooo much love for everyone who reads this. Hopefully I'll have the chance to give you a hug soon. God bless.
| | |
|
|
